Unless you're in some sort of primitive society where virginity (an intact hymen) is valued, why don't you just loosen yourself up ahead of time? Practice with a dildo, hairbrush, your fingers -- anything that's about the right shape.
Men don't care whether you're a virgin or not, just as long as you don't have sex with lots of men indiscriminately. If you only have sex with men that you have a strong relationship with and if such men only enter your life every few years at most then you're doing fine.
Depending on your age, the man you're with may just assume that you're experienced (not a virgin) and he's not going to go slow. You're going to have to tell him to go slow and give him feedback if you're in pain. If the guy you're with is a decent person, he's going to feel bad if he causes you pain (he is a decent person, right?). So talk to him. And definitely use a condom. The idea that a condom gets in the way of sex is nonsense -- I find that it makes things better.
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